Very Ominous

[NotADcotor]

My dreams in life

1: Win the lotto, get a morticians license and open a funeral palour in Newfoundland called Dead Newfie Storage because storing dead newfies is our fucking business, didn't you see the sign on the front lawn?

2: Get a Porche and have Porche Monkey 4 life printed on the sides or back. It's OK I'm bringing it back.

3: Get a job at a shop that sells porn and sex toys. Then I can tell people my job is selling Pornography and Pornographic accessories I tell you what. I even have the DGS for it, just need a waifu with big feet and a son who ain't quite right.

4: Get a job in the shipping department of a fudge company and work my way up to assistant manager. I'd be a fudge packing ass man.

I am not a complicated person.

 

[thumper18474]

One of my sisters friends decided to join a Christian dating website..
Her username is
COMEGETPSALM

 

[thumper18474]

I call BULLSHIT!
Not everybody was KUNGFU fighting!!

 

[thumper18474]

Researchers found out that you can hear your blood in your veins if you..listen vericosely

 

[kherg007]

I call BULLSHIT!
Not everybody was KUNGFU fighting!!

Yes, but those cats were as fast as lightning.

 

[thumper18474]

Yes, but those cats were as fast as lightning.

Yeah but I wasnt frightened

 

[Radar1956]

Former Toronto Raptor player Jontay Porter has left Toronto and moved to Quebec where he has obtained a position on the Montreal CFL team. He has changed his name and will now be known as Alouette, Jontay Alouette.

 

[thumper18474]

Last week I told my boss
3 companies were after me so I needed a raise to stay working here.
He said which 3 companies..
I said Hydro Water and Cable!

 

[thumper18474]

Apparently Now a days you have to ask women
Are you Single..Single?
Mad at him Single..or
He's in jail Single?

 

[thumper18474]

A new Vietnamese -Italian fusion restaurant just opened in Toronto..
It's called
Pho-gettaboutit

 

[thumper18474]

The other day I invented a
Thought controlled air freshener
They all said I was ridiculous
I said
Makes scents when you think about it!

 

[thumper18474]

The cashier at Walmart said..
Strip down ..facing me
By the time I realized she was talking about my Credit Card...it was too late

 

[thumper18474]

time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana
True Story

 

[thumper18474]

My neighbour said he slipped on some gravel on my driveway....but it was his own
Dumb asphalt

 

[thumper18474]

I'm no chef but boyardees days gettin harder and harder to get thru!

 

[thumper18474]

During the 16th and 17th centuries..Britain relocated everyone named Colin to America..Austrailia and all over the world..
They were trying to Colinize the world!

 

[thumper18474]

The word ..QUEUE..is ironic
It's just a 'q' with a bunch of silent letters waiting in a line!

 

[SchlongConery]

Researchers found out that you can hear your blood in your veins if you..listen vericosely

Interpreting your blood flow is more sciency than artery.

 

[thumper18474]

The other day while I was posing nude for an art class..they told me to get out!!!
Apparently they were making ceramic bowls or something...
My bad

 

[kherg007]

Zoo keeper says to the terbivoure. "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for £500"?
The terbivoure replies, "I will on 3 conditions:
1st - I'm not going to kiss it.
2nd - my family must never know.
3rd - i'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together"